What's in a Name?
by JackiLeigh
Summary: Neal is shot during a case with Peter. Is he missing or is he dead? Only time will tell. Neal whumpage.
1. Chapter 1

What's in a Name?

Peter rushed to the edge of the pier and looked over. He and several agents had been running toward Neal when he both heard and saw the shot fired. Well, he saw Neal's reaction to being shot. Neal staggered back a few steps before falling over the edge. Now all Peter could see was rushing water.

Peter had been told there was very little hope of finding a body. There were too many drain pipes, all of which lead to the sea. And once the body reached the sea, well…it was as good as gone.

Peter dreaded breaking the news to his wife. Elizabeth and Neal had had a very special bond. She had cried in Peter's arms, for what seemed like hours, right after he had told her. And now, 6 month later, she still seemed to be in a daze. Peter had retrieved Neal's hat that day. It has been all that they had found of him. It now held a place of honor in his house. He had placed it on one of the book shelves in their living room. El had come home from work and had caught him putting it there. She had looked at it and then looked at Peter and smiled. Peter found her, late many nights, holding the hat and crying, sitting on the living room floor. Peter had been surprised to find a bottle of cologne in their bedroom one night. It was not the kind he used. And it was sitting behind a picture on El's nightstand. Peter picked it up. He hated to admit it, but his mind went there. He actually entertained the idea that El could be cheating on him. He dismissed it quickly, however, when he smelled the cologne. He smiled, recognizing it immediately. It was the same scent that Neal wore. He wiped a tear from his eyes as he put the cologne back in its place.

June had no handled the news any better than El. She had kept Neal's place just as when he had left it. She insisted her maids clean the apartment, just as they had always done. She kept his fridge stocked. And she had all his suits dry cleaned and hung back in his closet. She told them all that she would believe that he was dead when they could show her a body. Until then, he was missing. And she had to have things ready for him when he returned.

June had broken the news to Mozzie about Neal. He, at first, also refused to believe the unbelievable. That is friend was dead, but Mozzie slowly began to accept that reality. Mainly because Mozzie knew Neal would have contacted him. And he knew Neal would not have waited to long to do so. Mozzie continued his friendship with June, visiting with her every chance he got. It helped him to pass the time and to deal with the loss. Plus, he knew she really appreciated his company. They often went out onto Neal's patio and shared a bottle of his favorite wine.

It had fallen to Peter to clean out Neal's desk at work. And Peter had purposefully waited until the end of the day to do it. Neal had been gone almost a month. And Peter knew he had put the task off long enough. He allowed Diana and Jones to stay with him as he went through the items Neal had left. Hughes joined the trio as they looked at and reminisced about some of the things they found, each taking a special memento.

Diana had asked for an Origami rose that Neal had made and a very special blue tie that just matched the color of his eyes. She kept the tie rolled up in a neat ball in the bottom drawer of her desk. And she kept the rose tucked behind her driver's license in her wallet. The corner of the rose stuck out so that she saw it every time she opened her wallet. It made her smile. She found herself taking the rose out oat the oddest times. She would fold and unfold the piece of paper trying to figure out how Neal could take something so ordinary and turn it into something so beautiful. It took her a long time go get it back to just the way Neal had it, each time. But it helped her not to miss him so much. She still, all this time later, could not see how she could have come to like him as much as she did.

Jones had also chosen a tie. He said the suit Neal had worn with it was one that he particularly liked. He had actually gone out to find a suit just like Neal's, or at least very similar, to go with the tie. He had found a very similar color and style, and he found himself wearing the suit and tie often.

Hughes had also picked an item. He chose an Origami animal. At first, Hughes displayed the animal, in this case and elephant, on his desk. But it almost got obliterated, repeatedly, by piles of paperwork. Then it almost got washed away by rivers of coffee from a few spilled cups. He finally removed it from his desk. He bought a glass case and put the elephant in it on a shelf in his office.

And, lastly, Peter kept the ID the Bureau had issued to Neal. It joined the hat on the shelf in his living room. He took the ID down off the shelf and carried it with him, sometimes. It made him feel as if Neal was still there.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The job was tedious and his shoulder hurt him a lot more than he wanted to admit. But he had to work. He had no money and the place he was living, though cheap and definitely sleazy; still cost him $700 a month. And he had to find the money someway. He rubbed his right shoulder with his left hand as he walked through the doors and hung a left to go to his room.

"Hey…Snake Eyes…." The front desk clerk called to him.

He turned and made his way to the desk.

"It's due, Man, the whole $700 by next week. I'd let you slide, but the management is coming down hard. The clerk stated. "If it were up to me…." He started, and then shrugged.

He nodded and smiled, promising to get the money somehow, someway by then, even though he knew it was not going to be possible. He felt like, in the past, that his smile had gotten him out of a lot of sticky situations. But is hadn't worked today, not here. He would have to go with Plan B. Only, there was no Plan B.

He made his way, slowly, down the hall to his room. He entered his bathroom and slowly and carefully pulled his t-shirt over his head. The bullet would he had sustained had been a clean one, and the shot had been a through and through. The free clinic had done a great job in cleaning his wounds and patching him up. He needed more pain medication, but he knew he wouldn't be able to go back to them. Something told him he was in trouble. He was just not sure how or why. What he did know was that he knew that people don't get shot without there being a reason. And he was pretty sure he didn't want to know what that reason was.

He turned and looked at his back in the mirror. The wound still looked good, which was great. But he was bone tired. He stripped off the rest of his clothes, showered, put on a pair of boxers and fell into bed. He was asleep in minutes.

It felt like only a few minutes later, and he was jerked awake by the sound of his alarm clock going off. He looked at his clock only to realize that the night had indeed passed. He got up, got dressed and headed off again, for yet another day of manual labor. He was good at his job, despite his slim build and his looks. His co-workers constantly teased him, saying he should be on a billboard somewhere modeling Calvin Klein underwear. He was too good looking to be leading trucks in a freight warehouse. He just smiled and nodded, and he continued to load trucks.

Weekends were good. Always a welcome respite from the weekday grind. And he loved to go to the park. He had very little money, and the park offered free entertainment. He could people watch, which he did a lot of. He could sketch, though he was not sure where that talent came from. But the good thing was pencils and paper were cheap, so he could indulge himself as much and as often as he liked. And he drew lots of things. Things he didn't even know he remembered.

He knew he had amnesia and he felt like a walking pseudo-person because of it. All he knew, for sure, all he could remember were the things that had happened since he had been shot, only those things from the past 6 months. His memories started with him dragging himself out of freezing cold water. He knew he had then passed out. He also remembered the feeling of something warm running down the side of his face, and he remembered his head hurting so bad it was hard to focus on anything.

He had no idea how he had wound up in one of New York's many free clinics. He had had surgery to there at the clinic to clean and close the wounds. He had refused the talk of sending him to the hospital. Again, he had been shot. He didn't know if he was a wanted man. He didn't know who was after him and he felt like he would be a sitting duck in the hospital. He left the clinic, AMA, when he heard talk of sending him to the hospital anyway. He had taken a few necessary items, surprised at how easy it was to lift the supplies. He hoped he had enough bandages and medication to do him, for a little while, at least.

While he was at the clinic, after surgery, a nurse had asked him for his name. He had just stared at her. He hadn't realized, until that very moment, that he didn't have one. He could not remember his own name. He stalled for just a second. He had glanced at her name badge. Her name was Jackie. He looked around the room for other inspiration. He quickly came up with Jay Sterling. Jay came from the nurse's first initial. Sterling came from the many packages lying around which had the word 'sterile' on them.

TBC

**END NOTES: FYI-A 'through and through' means that there was an entrance wound and an exit wound. AMA means Against Medical Advice.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Peter spent the first month or two in a daze, himself. He would find himself sitting at his desk and then he would look up, fully expecting to see his C.I. drop his hat on his desk and then head up to his office. Reality would then come crashing in. And he would have to relive the pain, just as fresh and as raw as if it had happened yesterday.

He had gone, unofficially, of course, back to the site of where Neal had disappeared many times. He had come to know the members of the NYPD who regularly patrolled that area. And, by now, they all knew his voice. Peter called the station at least once a week now, more often in the beginning. And they all knew the one question he would ask them: Had they found a body matching Neal's description? The answer was always no.

El had always found the sound of rushing water soothing. She had several CDs that she played at night for her and Peter when they had had trouble sleeping. But when Peter told her where he had lost Neal, she quickly came to hate that sound. She routinely went by the area on the way to her shop; it was her shortcut to work. These days she avoided it completely when at all possible. She left earlier for work so that she could take the long way. And she threw those CDs into the trash.

The case was still an active one to Peter. He kept Neal's file in his desk drawer, refusing Hughes suggestion he send it to the archives. Peter knew that Hughes was trying to look out for his the mental welfare. And Peter really appreciated that. But the fact remained, until they had a body, it was possible that Neal was still alive. Though, even he had to admit, the chances went down as each day passed.

Hughes had even suggested a new C.I. to help to ease the pain. At least that is what Hughes thought process was. But in Peter's mind Neal was irreplaceable. No one could have Neal's knowledge base, no one was as smart. And, in all truth, he didn't want another C.I., not if it hurt this badly to lose one.

"I don't want another one, Reese." Peter said, eyeing the folders Reese had in his hand when he entered Peter's office.

"Peter…it's time. We've had good luck with C.I.s…." Reese started.

"We had good luck with Neal." Peter stated.

Hughes nodded. "Yes, he was an exceptional young man, Peter. He really was and, God help me, I was actually beginning to like him. But he's…he's gone, Peter. That is the reality of the situation. He's gone. And you keeping his file in your desk, and his desk open is not going to bring him back."

Peter tried to control his emotions. "There was no body…."

"…and you heard the explanation for that, Peter. And you know it's true, that it's probably what happened." Reese paused. "That he probably died in the fall, if he wasn't already dead from the gunshot. And, Peter…" Reese placed both hands on Peter's desk and leaned in. "…he still had to deal with the water." Hughes sighed. "The man had an ace up his sleeve, I kid you not. But those are some heavy odds against him."

Peter nodded, his brain screaming at him to go with the good, sound logic. But his heart told him that there was always hope."

"You're right, absolutely." Peter replied, and he returned Neal's file to the archives. But not before he made himself a copy of the police report.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

He drank his beer and stared at the TV in his room. He had watched the local news religiously since he had gotten out of the clinic. He was not on the news. He was not a missing person, and this only added to the mystery. Who was he? And why didn't anybody give a damn?

His job had gotten better. He had been promoted to driver. That meant more pay, better hours, a uniform, and best of all; he didn't have to load his own truck. His shoulder would now really have a chance to heal, and he could have life without pain.

He had been able to pay his rent. But that money had come along in an unexpected way. He had hustled pool. There was a bar/pool hall just a block from his motel, and he found it, by accident, checking out the neighborhood. He walked in, picked up a cue and became Sterling the Shark. He was the best pool player in the neighborhood. Another talent he had had no idea he possessed.

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"Hey, Snake Eyes why don't you sign up?" Harding, one of the dock workers said. They were all standing around the bulletin board at work, looking at the sign for the company picnic and entertainment wanted poster.

"That's a good idea you had there, Chris. Jay, here, has a great voice." Tony Barone. Another freight loader said to Neal. He leaned in. "It pays pretty good, too. We've all heard you singing when you thought nobody was around."

Neal shook his head. He liked to sing. But he had had no idea anybody had heard him.

"Look," Chris stated. "…it's not a big deal or anything. The company just likes to have entertainment at these things. They say it promotes unity or some such crap as that. Truth is…they just don't want to pay professional entertainers the big bucks. So they give the company employees a few hundred dollars to show off their talent. If they're any good, that is."

"I'm not auditioning…." Neal said, stepping back and putting his hands up.

"It's nothing like that…you show up and do your thing. If they like it, you'll see a few hundred dollar increase in your next paycheck." Chris explained.

Neal nodded and smiled. He would consider it. He definitely liked the sound of a few hundred dollars extra in his check.

"I'm not sure I'm going to be there." Neal replied.

"Oh, you want to be there. The company goes all out, has the thing catered and everything. The food is great, the booze is even better." Barone stated.

Neal considered it. "It sounds pretty good. I'll be there."

Tony and Chris nodded. "Great, you won't regret it. See ya Saturday, Jay." Chris said as he and Tony left the building.

Neal nodded. He headed back to his truck to park it. He then walked the two blocks home.

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"Jay." His supervisor called him into the office and handed him an envelope addressed to Burke Premier Events. "This is who's catering our picnic Saturday. The shop is on your route. Just make sure it's signed for. I'd prefer that Ms. Burke, Elizabeth, sign for it. But any of her employees will do."

Neal nodded. He stuck the envelope under his arm and exited the office. He got into his truck and looked at the name and the street. Neither meant anything to him. An hour later he walked into El's shop. He smiled at two young women, an young African-American woman and a pretty blond. He mentioned El's name and was told she was out. He told the two young women he really needed to deliver the envelope to her personally after they offered to take it and sign for it. After waiting about 10 minutes, Neal decided to leave. If he didn't, he would be behind on his other deliveries. The blond signed and took the envelope. She then laid it on El's desk.

"He was gorgeous. I've never seen a man that…he was just…" Shelly, the blonde woman, shook her head.

"Uh, huh. I think, just for him, I could take some cream in my coffee." Jasmine, the African-American woman, stated. "Those eyes…amazing."

El arrived as she heard the two of them talking. She figured out the topic of the conversation quickly. "So…who is this 'hunk of man' we're talking about?"

The girls looked at each other and then fell silent.

"Oh, come on." El pleaded. "I love listening to your dating stories, so spill."

"It's not a guy we're dating." Shelly started.

"It was the delivery guy…" Jasmine replied. "…he brought you an envelope. It's on your desk."

"He was tall, and had the bluest eyes I've ever seen." Shelly continued. "…absolutely gorgeous."

El looked at both women for just a moment. She then shook her head.

"What's wrong?" Shelly asked.

El shook her head again. "It's nothing…just…we have that big event Saturday."

Shelly and Jasmine nodded and got back to work. El went back to her office. She opened the envelope. It contained the balance of what Allied Parcel Service owed her for catering their company picnic this coming Saturday. She prepared the check for deposit and then went back to her other duties. But her mind kept drifting back to Shelly's and Jasmine's description of the delivery driver.

El had her doubts, but she had made up her mind. There was one thing that would answer her questions once and for all. She grabbed her purse and the envelope from the delivery driver and headed off to the federal building. She called Peter to let him know that she was on her way.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Well?" El asked, pacing Peter's office.

"It's an iffy thing, El." Peter replied. "Are you sure? I mean are you really sure it was him?"

"I told you how the girls described him. It…it sounded like him." El paused. "Don't look at me like that, Peter. I miss him like crazy, I do. But I wouldn't put myself through this if I…if I didn't think that there was something to it. I…I just…it would be like losing him all over again, and I couldn't take that."

Peter sighed. He knew El was telling him the truth. "Fingerprints are best gotten on clean non-porous surfaces. Paper is one of the worst things to get prints off of. It's porous, and it absorbs the oils that create the print." Peter explained. "It's just…the odds are against it."

EL shook her head looking defeated.

"Look, Hon, go on home." Peter advised. "I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything from forensics. I promise."

El nodded, gathered her belongings and left.

A couple hours later El's phone rang. Peter told her that they could only lift partial prints. There was not just enough there to make an ID.

El was very disappointed by that news, of course, but then she remembered something. "I have the name, Peter, the name of the business." El said excitedly. "Remember I told you about the catering event this Saturday. Maybe he'll be there."

"I can't just check into the company, not without probable cause. And I can't just show up at a company picnic." Peter replied. "I can't…even if what you suspect is true and he's got amnesia or something. I don't want to scare him off."

"He didn't recognize my name, Peter. The envelope had my company name on it, and he was told to give it to Elizabeth Burke. The girls said he just walked in and acted like any other delivery person would. He would have no idea who you were."

"No, but he might figure out I'm an agent. He knows he's been shot. I'm sure somebody told him that, if he didn't figure it out for himself." Peter stated. "He might think he's a wanted man or that he's committed some crime. And he'll run…if he does that El…amnesia or not, he'll find a way to hide where we can't find him."

"I'm sorry." El said, nodding. "I…I just…this feels like it's him. And I could always use the extra help."

Peter understood what El was trying to say. She wanted White Collar agents to join her staff for the event. But Peter couldn't just use Bureau resources like that. Not just on rumor alone, even if the rumor came from the wife of an agent. "I'll do what I can, El. I promise." Peter replied before they both hung up.

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The picnic went off without a hitch. El was disappointed that Peter would not or could not look more into the delivery man thing. But she had to put it out of her mind. As it turned out, El spent the majority of her time back at her shop the day of the event. At the last minute, the truck carrying her food was involved in an accident. Some of the food had been ruined, but some was salvaged. Now El was in her office calling in favors to try to get the quantity of food she needed to pull off the event. But the time she actually got to the event many of the workers had left and her staff had been too busy to do anything but serve food.

Neal had decided to attend the event. And, at the end of the day, he was glad he had. He had really had a good time. And the food had been excellent. He had even gone up on stage and entertained the crowd with a few songs. And he discovered something else about himself. He had no idea that he could play the guitar. He just saw it sitting on the stage and just went over and picked it up. He started to play and was actually pretty good at it.

Officer Christina Bradley had also been in attendance. Her husband was a driver recently promoted from the loading crew. Christina had met Neal Caffrey before, while assisting on a case with White Collar. It took her a moment to realize who it was she was looking at singing up on stage. She was surprised to see him there, but she kept her feeling and observations to herself at the time. Later that night she had questioned her husband. She learned that Jay Sterling had joined the company about 5 months earlier. Her husband had learned very little about Jay's past. Christina had heard about Neal's death, it had gone the same way all news and gossip does through the NYPD.

Christina didn't approach Neal though. She want to blow his cover. She knew sometimes a person had to 'die' for the sake of the job. She then forgot about the whole incident until she walked into the White Collar offices a few days later.

Christina went into Peter's office and sat down, ready to share her info on a case the division was working on jointly.

"You know, it's none of my business. But what's going on at Allied Parcel?" Christina questioned.

"What?!" Peter asked.

"Come on, Burke, you can tell me."

"El, my wife, catered their picnic this past Saturday…that's all I…." Peter replied, completely confused.

"Peter, come on. My husband works there. If there's trouble, you could at least give me a heads up. We can't become a one-income household. Not in this economy." Christina lamented.

Peter just looked at her. He had no idea what she was talking about.

Christina just looked at him. "Neal! Peter…Neal, well, Jay Sterling has been working with my husband for almost 5 months. That's a long time in White Collar World to work an undercover op. Isn't it?" Christina's husband didn't know Caffrey, as Caffrey. He had never met Neal until he had shown up at APS as part of the loading crew, so he would have had no reason to mention Neal to his wife, even in passing.

Peter just stared a Christina for a moment, unsure if he had heard her correctly.

"What…Who did you say?"

"Caffrey." Christina replied. "I saw him. He looked different, and he most definitely acted different. Considering how much he flirted with me when he first met me. He acted like he didn't even know me. But then I, I just figured he was working a case, and the being declared dead thing, was all a part of that." She paused. "Don't worry, I didn't blow his cover." She reassured Peter.

Peter stood up. He reached for his phone. Then he sat down again, too excited to think clearly. He took a moment to calm himself.

"You're sure it was Caffrey?" Peter asked, not wanting to get his hopes up too much.

"Of course it was…." Christina paused. "You mean you guys actually believed he was…?"

Peter nodded.

"You're sure, absolutely positive, it was him?" Peter asked.

Christina nodded.

"And he was going by Jay…what did you say the last name was?" Peter asked, writing furiously on a pad of paper.

"Sterling." Christina replied, stunned by the change of events. "I'd have to ask my husband, but I'm pretty sure that is the name he gave me."

Peter then picked up the phone and summoned Diana and Jones to his office. "Jones, pull the employment records for Allied Parcel Service. I'm looking for a Jay Sterling, that's J-A-Y Sterling. Diana, call their human resources department and get a physical description of Sterling."

Both agents obeyed without comment. They were already loaded down with cases and they could not understand why Peter was throwing another one onto the pile.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Peter thanked Officer Bradley for her information. He waited for, and reviewed, the information Diana and Jones brought to him. Allied Parcel Service did, indeed, have an employee named Jay Sterling and the description matched Neal. Peter sat at his desk debating his choices. He still, he didn't want to involve the division in this, just yet. As much as Hughes believed in him and knew he was a good Agent. He still might think Peter had gone off the deep end.

Peter knew he had to go to APS and see for himself. But he didn't want to scare Neal off. He didn't want to come in as 'Agent Burke looking for Jay Sterling.' He feared Neal might run if he thought anybody was after him, not matter who it was. If Neal truly didn't know who he was, he had to…he just had to be wondering who shot him, why they shot him and were they going to try and shoot him again? That had to terrify someone who already had so many questions.

Peter made up his mind. He had to know. He had to see, for himself, if Neal Caffrey, International Art Thief, really had no idea who he was. He needed to see if Neal was actually living under the name Jay Sterling. And he had to know if Neal was working a regular job, delivering packages for Allied Parcel Service. The very idea seemed almost…fantastic in its normality and so, so far out of Neal's character. Peter couldn't help but smile at the image of Neal Caffrey in a work uniform. Peter shook his head as he pulled his jacket off the back of his chair and left the federal building.

Peter walked into the company's office about 15 minutes later. He sat down with Neal's supervisor. Peter hesitated for just a moment. He was terrified that whatever he did would put Neal on alert. He doesn't want to do anything that might cause Neal to run.

"I believe the man you know as Jay Sterling is actually Neal Caffrey. He was…working for the FBI on a case, and he got injured. He has been missing for over 6 months. And we…I have to make sure that this man is the one I'm looking for." Peter produced a picture of Neal and handed it over.

Neal's supervisor took the picture and looked at it carefully. He nodded his head. He then called Jay into the office. Neal arrived a few moments later, popping his head in the office door.

Peter just sat and stared. It was Neal Caffrey, of that Peter was positive. But Neal had not recognized him. Neal had looked directly at Peter. The two of them had even been introduced. Peter could tell that Neal had no idea who he was. Peter told 'Jay' that he was looking for a man named Neal Caffrey. Peter was again greeted with a blank stare. He gave Neal card, which Neal pocketed without so much as a glance. Neal was then dismissed and he turned and left the office.

Peter stood looking defeated. He had not expected things to go like this. He thought as he walked to his car. He had expected Neal to see him and, Bam, the old Neal Caffrey would be back! The memories would come flooding in, and his life would go back to normal. Well, what passed for normal since Caffrey had become a part of it.

Peter now, truly, was not sure what to do next. He had fought with everything in him not to run after Caffrey. He had to fight everything that told him to stop Neal and make him remember. Peter knew memories didn't work that why. And, again, he didn't want to scare Neal into doing something stupid, like running.

Peter knew he had to tell Hughes he had actually seen Neal with his own eyes. But he was very undecided as to how to handle things beyond that. And what would he tell El? What would they do if Neal never regained his memory? Did he really want to put El through that type of pain again?

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"You mean to tell me you had Caffrey. He was right there and you let him go?" Hughes asked as he paced the floor in Peter's office.

"He didn't know me, Reese. And I know what you are going to say here." Peter replied, shaking his head. "But he wasn't snowing me. He had absolutely no idea who I was."

"Then he belongs in jail. If he's not working for the FBI, per his agreement, he needs to be in jail." Reese replied.

"Extenuating circumstances, Reese, this is the dictionary definition." Peter replied. "Jay Sterling is who he is now. He has no idea who Neal Caffrey even is. Jay can't be sent to jail for Neal's crimes."

Reese sighed. "There is no precedent here, Burke." He continued to pace. "There are not rules on what to do if you C.I. develops amnesia and goes off to lead a regular, normal life under an assumed name. There's nothing."

Peter nodded. He understood completely.

"The Marshals are not going to understand this. They are going to think we are trying to pull a fast one on them." Hughes stopped and looked at Peter. "Do you see how very bad this could get, very quickly?"

"Reese…" Peter started.

Reese shook his head. "I don't care if he thinks he's the Pope…get him back in here and back on his leash."

"He'll run. He already has to be wondering who shot him and why. He's gonna run from whoever he thinks is trying to kill him." Peter explained. "I can't approach him like that. I need time to…."

"You have a week, Burke, that's it!" Hughes said with finality. He then left Peter's office.

Peter sighed and shook his head.

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Neal started to take his jacket off. He felt around to make sure his pockets were empty before he did so. He then felt the card in his pocket That FBI guy had given him a card. He pulled it out and looked at it. He hadn't even bothered when the guy gave it to him. Neal had been rattled when he saw the FBI agent. But the name the agent had mentioned meant nothing to him. He had just pocketed the card and had made as quick an exit as possible, grateful 'Jay Sterling' was not on the FBI radar. Now he examined the card closely, reading the Agent's name and division. It still meant nothing to him. He then turned the card over. It had _When you remember, Call Me! _written on the back.

Neal sat down on the bed and just stared at the message. Was there something specific he was supposed to remember? And what did it have to do with the FBI, with this agent? Neal shook his head. At least he wasn't in trouble with the FBI, with any law enforcement for that matter. He knew that much. That agent would have just arrested him on the spot if he had been. So that was another thing he could check off his list. And that was good. But what did this agent know about him? What did the agent think he knew about him? Neal needed to find out. He had been ready to throw the card away without even looking at it. He was really glad he hadn't after giving the agent's visit some thought.

Neal put the card back in his jacket pocket. He hung the jacket up, changed out of his work clothes and into his street clothes. He made his way to the burger joint down the street. He was starving.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**AN: Thanks to you all for your reviews and alerts. I will reply, I am just not sure when. Thanks, everybody, for your support.**

Peter got permission to set up surveillance on Neal/Jay easily enough. Peter had convinced Reese that Neal would run if he was pressured in any way. At least, with the surveillance, they could keep an eye on him, discreetly. But Peer had a harder time getting people to believe him when he said Neal was alive. When Peter said he had actually seen Neal. Several agents relented and joined the team. They had never seen Peter like this. Most of the agents suspected that Peter had just seen someone who looked remarkably like Neal. They thought the only reason Hughes was even allowing this was that he felt bad for his agent, his friend. They figured that this was Hughes was of trying to help Peter come to terms with the loss.

The agents soon spotted Jay as he went on his daily routine of delivering packages. They had gotten their hands on his daily work schedules and over the course of three days had set up observation at different points along his route. It didn't take long for all the agents to be convinced that they were watching Neal. This man had the same mannerism as Neal. He, obviously, looked the same as Neal. He was just going by the wrong name. But things changed dramatically on that third day.

Neal had considered many times call the FBI agent whose name as on the card. But he was still unsure. What is he was not in the clear? Did he really want to open a can of worms here? But at the same time, he hated not knowing who he was. He hated seeing all the families, all the kids in the park and wondering who his parents were. Were they still alive? Did he have any siblings? Did he have a wife and kids out there somewhere? These were questions he needed, no…deserved to have answers to. And if this FBI man could help him, then he had to chance it.

Neal looked across the street at the surveillance van. He made up his mind. He locked up his truck and headed across the street.

"He's coming his way!" Jones said, observing the monitor from inside the van. "He crossed the street, and he's coming this way!"

Diana couldn't understand the excitement in Jones voice until she looked at the monitor and realized that Neal didn't have any packages in his hands.

Seconds later there was a knock on the door. The agents inside the van all looked at each other, and Diana got up. She let out the breath she had been holding and opened the door.

It took a moment for her to speak. It was Neal! She was astounded. They had been watching 'Neal' for days, true, but having him here, this close. And it was obvious to her, and to everyone in the van, that he didn't recognize them.

Neal looked at the people in the van. Agent Burke was not among them. But he knew, from their dress, that they were FBI.

"Look," Neal said. "…Agent Burke left me his card." He turned it around so that Diana could see the message written on the back. "It said to call if I remembered anything. But...but I don't remember. I…" He replied, looking up at her. "…I need his help." Neal paused. "I know you guys have been watching me. And I want to know why. What does he want with me? What have I done to warrant FBI attention?"

It took Diana a moment to answer the question. She still couldn't believe that Neal was alive. That she was actually looking at him. She had to think fast, she didn't' want to do anything to scare him off. He had wanted to suggest him coming to the bureau. But she knew how everybody would react to seeing him, and she didn't want to overwhelm him.

"Call the number. He'd be glad to talk to you." Diana stated.

Neal shook his head. "This is not something I can resolve with a phone call. If he knows about me, whatever he knows…I need a face to face."

Diana nodded. "Okay, I'll tell you what. He lives nearby, Ne…." She stopped herself before she said his name. "I'll give you the address." She wrote the address on a piece of paper and handed it to Neal.

Neal looked at the piece of paper, and then back at her, completely confused.

"You've been there, many times." Diana replied, reading his confusion.

"You know me." Neal stated, also asking her for information, at the same time.

"I do, Neal." Diana admitted.

Neal? My name is Neal." Neal reasoned, out loud. "My name is Neal Caffrey?"

Diana nodded.

"Agent Burke came looking for me at my job." Neal's mind was reeling. "If that's me, and he knew it…." Neal paused and glared at Diana. "What does he want with me? What kind of game is he playing?"

Diana shook her head. "He's not playing any games. He could tell when you saw him you didn't recognize him. Just like I know you don't remember us." She stated. "You've been missing for a long time. We just, we didn't want to overwhelm you. We want you to remember. And we don't' want to lose you again."

Neal seemed to be considering what Diana had said as he pocketed the piece of paper she had given him.

"Go see him, Neal." Diana replied. "Peter really wants to talk to you. He'll tell you anything you want to know. Just ask."

Neal stood looking at her for just a second or two longer. He then walked back across the street. He stopped by his truck. He pulled out the piece of paper and read it again. He then looked down the street, in the general direction of Peter's house. He started to walk in that direction.

Diana and the rest of the team watched Neal until he got out of range of the cameras. They then left the van and followed on foot. They kept a safe distance and followed from both sides of the street.

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"Yeah Hon, I know. I should have told you." Peter admitted, siting at the dining room table with his wife.

"You should have." El sulked.

"Neal just…he didn't remember me, El. He had no idea who I was." Peter said relieving the memory. "He…" He shook his head.

"…doesn't remember us. And if he doesn't get his memory back, it will be just like losing him all over again." El replied. "I get it, Peter. I understand your reasoning. I really do. But I told you he was alive. I told you. And I can take it, please don't try and shield me."

Peter sighed. "I just want Neal back, El. That's all I want."

El took Peter's hand. "Me too, Hon, me too."

The doorbell rang and El went to answer it. She nearly fainted when she saw who was standing there.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

El stepped back to let Neal in. She was so speechless it took her a second or two to get the words out to call her husband. She could tell Neal didn't quite recognize her, but he seemed to be remembering something.

Neal looked at El. Then he looked around the room. He felt something wet and warm on his hand. He looked down. Satchemo was greeting him in his own way, licking his hand.

Neal spoke to no one in particular. "The lady in the van said that I'd been here before. I…." He stopped himself and just stared at El. The dam broke. Elizabeth Burke was one of the few people in his life who just accepted him for him and didn't try to change him. He would never be a model citizen, and El didn't make him try to be.

Neal smiled. "It's been awhile, Elizabeth."

El wiped her eyes and hugged him. "Six very, very long months, Sweetie."

"We've missed you, Neal." Peter chimed in, smiling as he watched their interaction.

Peter than gave Neal a quick hug. And they all sat down. Nobody said anything, at first. El and Peter were still a little too surprised to have Neal sitting there, in their living room.

El reached out and took Neal's hand. "Where have you been?"

Peter looked at his wife. He knew she had a million questions, he did too. But he didn't' want to overwhelm Neal, especially when he was just recovering his memories.

"I've gotta go." Neal said, standing up. He suddenly remembered the truck waiting for him and 'Jay Sterling's' job.

"Neal!" Peter said, as he and El stood up. They had just gotten him back. There was no way that Peter was going to let Neal out of his sight.

Neal saw their panic. He shook his head and smiled. "I either need to finish 'Jay Sterling's' route to return the truck to Allied." He replied.

Peter nodded, relieved. "I'll ride with you in the truck. El can follow in the car."

Neal looked at him, unbelieving. "You don't trust me to return the truck?"

"You're off anklet." Peter replied.

"I was off anklet for 6 months." Neal countered.

"Yes, as Jay Sterling. And Jay stayed in the city." Peter explained. "Would Neal have stayed in the city?"

Neal didn't answer.

"I rest my case." Peter said as they left the house.

Neal sighed. "So much for the nice, warm reunion."

Peter put his hand on Neal's shoulder and squeezed. "I really have missed you, Kid."

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Peter, El and Neal returned the truck and then came back to Peter's house. The Marshalls couldn't have a new anklet out to him until morning and Peter's was not going to let Neal out of his sight until he was back on his leash.

El joined Peter and Neal in the living room after ordering Chinese take out for them all. She sat down on the couch beside Neal. She grabbed Neal's hand and squeezed it.

"It's still hard to believe you're here, Neal." El stated. "Now you can answer my question. Where have you been?"

Neal explained the whole thing to Peter and El. He started with the gunshot. He remembered falling. He ended with walking into Peter's house earlier that evening. He didn't leave anything out. Except, he still didn't remember what had happened to him from the time he hit the water until waking up on the riverbank. He even told them how he had come up with the name Jay Sterling.

Neal started to stand up. "June…Mozzie…I need to go home." Neal said. "June…is she…?"

El smiled. "June's kept your place just the same. She never believed….. She wanted it to be ready when you came back."

Neal shook his head and smiled. June was a very, very special woman.

"You can make June's day tomorrow, Neal." Peter told him. "The Marshalls will deliver a new anklet in the morning."

El stood, silently staring at the sleeping form who occupied the bed in their guest room. She sighed as Peter slipped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist.

"I woke up, and you weren't there." Peter stated.

"I just…I needed to make sure that it was real." El said, holding her husband's hands in her. "I wanted to make sure that he was really here. That I hadn't just dreamed the whole thing."

"He's here, El." Peter reassured her as they both looked in on the softly-snoring form. "He came back."

"Is he going to be okay? I mean, really okay?" El asked.

Peter nodded. "I'll make sure he gets a physical. I'll make him an appointment with our counselor. I'll make sure he gets what he needs, Hon." He reassured El. "He's going to have to write a report to submit to the FBI explaining his activities for the past 6 months. They will ask for agent's statements to verify that Neal was suffering from memory loss. But it will be fine. He will be fine."

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Peter had no idea how to break the news to June. He knew she would be absolutely thrilled. But still, he didn't want to overwhelm or shock her. But there is no way around it, hearing someone is 'back from the dead' is going to be a shock.

"I've…we've got news. Maybe you should sit down for this." Peter suggested as he and June stood in June's living room.

June took a seat. She obliged him. "I was right, wasn't I?" She asked, talking about Neal.

Peter sat down also. "We've been investigating Neal's case." He paused. "We found a man by the name of Jay Sterling. He was working for a freight company here in New York."

June nodded concerned, and unsure of where Peter was going with this.

Peter continued. "It turns out that Jay's name really wasn't Jay. Jay was a guy with amnesia." He smiled. "And he looked, very much, like a good friend of ours."

June understood. She smiled, very excited. "He's alive? He's okay?"

Peter nodded and seconds later Neal and El walked into June's living room.

"My Darling…" June replied, tears in her eyes. She put her hands to both sides of his face. She had to make sure that he was, indeed, there. She pulled Neal into a huge hug. "…I knew. Everybody else was ready to give up on you. But I never did."

Neal smiled and hugged her back. "Hi, June." They hugged for a moment. So I can come home?"

June nodded. "I left everything just as you had it." She touched his face again, still finding it a little hard to believe. "This is your home, Neal. You are always welcome here."

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"I hear this wild, unbelievable, rumor." Mozzie stated as he walked out onto Neal's veranda. "I just had to come and see, for myself, if it was true."

Neal turned and smiled at his friend. They embraced.

"It's been a very long 6 months, Mon Frere." Mozzie stated.

There was a short, comfortable silence as both men sat on the veranda and admired the view.

"So Jay, what was it like being an 'average Joe' work-a-day man?" Mozzie asked. He had talked to El, at length and had heard all about Neal's life as Jay.

"I shared a no-tell motel room with a family of cockroaches and a 5-pound sewer rat who lived under my bathroom sink." Neal said, sarcastically. "It was marvelous."

Mozzie grinned. "You were very much missed, my friend."

"El tell you?" Neal asked. "Peter?"

"I spoke with Mrs. Suit…at length." Mozzie admitted. "I wasn't sure if you would want to…."

"It's okay, Moz." Neal nodded. "I just…it's really overwhelming." He shook his head as he stared out over the cityscape.

Mozzie when inside and brought them both back out some wine. He handed a glass to Neal.

"Here's to happy reunions." Neal said, and they drank a toast.

TBC

**END NOTE: It will be a few days before I can update again. I thank you all, so much, for your reviews and alerts. **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The word was around the deferral building in a couple of hours after Diana and the tam returned from their first stakeout. No one knew the particulars, but they were glad to hear Neal was alive. They were eager to get him back to the bureau and get things back to normal.

Neal walked back into the bureau a few days after showing up at Peter's house. Peter had set things up for him to have a complete physical and for him to see the bureau's counselor for, at least, one meeting.

"Glad you're back, Caffrey. Good to see you, Caffrey." He had been told this over and over since he had walked in the door, usually followed by a slap on the back or a handshake. He had even gotten a few hugs.

Neal stopped when he noticed his deak. It was covered with cards and gifts. He and Peter stopped and Neal picked up a card or two and read it.

"Missed you? Glad you're feeling better?" Neal said after reading a couple of cards.

"I'm just guessing here…" Peter replied. "…but I don't think that there is a 'Back From The Dead' section in the card aisle."

Diana spoke up. "Don't think Hallmark makes those." She looked pointedly at Neal. "He's ready for you." She pointed up to Hughes's office.

Neal sighed. "Why do I feel like I'm headed to the Inquisition?"

"Just tell the truth, Neal. You did nothing wrong." Peter replied.

"…for once." Neal sighed, and then headed up the stairs straightening his tie.

Both Diana and Peter chuckled, having heard Neal's comment.

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Hughes had Neal take a seat in the chair in front of his desk. He then invited Peter, who had followed Neal up, to take the chair beside him.

"This is not going to be an interrogation, Neal. I just need to tell us what happened during the 6 months you were gone. There's no pressure, here. We just want you to talk. We'll transcribe everything later and make a report, which you will read and sign off on." Hughes explained.

Neal nodded.

"Okay, let's get started." Hughes replied. He pushed play on the recorder.

Neal began to talk. "The force of Hogan's bullet knocked me backwards. I remember stumbling back a little. I didn't realize I had been so close to the edge, until I felt myself falling. I don't recall hitting the water. And I don't remember swimming. I just remember dragging myself out onto the riverbank. The next thing I remember was waking up in a clinic. The patched me up, and they did a good job, considering. The bullet went through my shoulder. I had an entrance wound and an exit wound. I think the fact that the water I had been in was so cold, that's what saved my life. They had the hardest time getting me warmed up. I was covered in blankets and sweating when I opened my eyes."

Neal paused. "They were talking about sending me to the hospital. I couldn't let that happen. I needed to know who had shot me and why. I was terrified I would be a sitting duck in the hospital. I…when the nurse asked me my name, I knew I was in trouble. I didn't realize, until then, that I had no idea who I was. I came up with a name quickly though. Jay came from the first initial of my nurse's first name, Jackie. Sterling came from all the packages lying around with the word 'sterile' on them. From then on I was Jay Sterling. And I had to make a life for myself." That was Neal-speak for saying he had to forge documents. Namely, as the bureau had discovered, Neal had created a driver's license and a birth certificate.

"I gave myself a history. I told everybody that I was born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri. I had 2 siblings and a mother, still living. And that I was only close to my sister, Lori. So, anyway, I left the clinic. I told them I didn't want to go to the hospital. I told them that I didn't need to go to the hospital. I really did, I knew I did. But I was…I didn't know who I was. How would I be able to recognize the person who shot me if they came after me again? So I just left." Neal paused again. "I started walking. I came to this motel. The desk clerk took pity on me. He thought I was a just a drunk who needed to sleep it off. And he felt sorry for me. He offered me a room for the night, with the promise that I would play him back in a week. I didn't have any money, and I think he knew that. I took him up on his offer. I never told him anything to make him believe any different from his initial impression. But he guessed there was something else going on. He let me stay. He could tell I had injured my shoulder and to help me out to pay for my stay,e let me watch the front desk sometimes. He told me about Allied Parcel and that they were hiring. That was about 2 weeks after I had come to live at the motel. The clerk said the company was a reputable one. But they didn't ask a lot of questions. He said as long as I did my job and didn't steal anything, I would be fine. So I talked to the manager and he hired me on the spot. I worked my way up to driver in about 4 months.

Neal sighed. "I still didn't remember anything, but part of me was coming through. I sketched during that time. I hustled pool. And I…" Neal stopped himself. He was about to say he sang and played the guitar. But those were things he liked to do, just for him. "…I just worked. I would look at the news, every night though, and I wondered why no one was looking for me. I would stare into the mirror and try to make myself remember who I was. It didn't work, nothing worked. I started to think that it would never happen. I started to think that I would have to go through the rest of my life not knowing…me. I tried to get used to the idea of knowing nothing about what had happened the first thirty-some odd years of my life. I, mostly though, tried not to think about it. I tried to think about moving into a better apartment. I started to think about advancing in the job. I…I didn't have anything else."

Neal looked at Peter. "Then my supervisor called me into his office one day, and Peter was sitting there. Peter said he was looking for Neal Caffrey. I had no idea who Neal Caffrey was. And when Peter gave me his card, I just pocketed it. When I got back to my room, after work that day, I looked at it. That was when I noticed what he had written on the back, _When you remember, Call Me!_ It kind of scared me. I thought, at first, since Peter hadn't arrested me, on the spot, that I was okay. I wasn't in trouble. But then I started thinking, if that was the case, then why did this agent still want to talk to me? And what did he want me to remember? I just…I had no clue what to make of it. Then I realized that maybe he did know me. Maybe he could tell me what I needed to know. And I was desperate for something, anything that would let me know who I was and what had happened to me, anything…at all. I decided to take a chance. Then I noticed the van…stalking me. I decided to just get it over with. If I was guilty of something, then they could just arrest me. But I needed to know…something. I talked to Diana who then gave me Peter's address. I didn't know what to do then. I got that I, that Neal, meant something to them by the way she talked to me. I was just so shocked she gave me the agent's address. I thought, in all honesty, it could be a trap. I just...I needed to know. I took the short walk to the house and knocked on the door." Neal grinned at the memory. "I think I scared the hell out of Elizabeth. I thought that she was going to faint there for a second or two when she saw me. She got herself together quickly. And she called Peter to the door. They both then just stared at me. But I…I was staring at Elizabeth. She was…I was remembering things. They were coming at me quickly, the way you see a movie preview on the screen. I recognized the flashes. I remembered who I was. There are still gaps. It's like putting together a jigsaw puzzle and realizing you don't have a few of the pieces. I'm getting things still, little flashes. And they are coming less frequent." Neal sighed. "I want to continue to improve. I want to continue to remember, whatever it takes until I can come back and do my job here, with the FBI."

Neal looked at Reese. "I want to come back. I want to be here. I…not remembering all that time, it was…it's made me appreciate what I have here. I can't possibly explain what it was like, walking around, feeling like a non-person. I mean, I had no past. I didn't have anything but the past few months. I was lying to everybody I knew, just so I could appear normal. I had everybody convinced I was Jay Sterling from St. Louis, only I had no idea who Jay was. And I just…I lived and I worked and I hoped that, one day, it would all come back. I hoped that…my life…whatever it was, would just come back to me. I didn't care what it was. I didn't care what I had done to get to where I was. I just…I just wanted, I needed to know."

Neal stopped at that point. He put his head in his hands, trying to hide his emotions.

Reese and Peter looked at one another. Reese turned off the recording and he and Peter stood and left the room. Reese waited until he had closed the door before he spoke.

"We need to make sure that Caffrey is okay. If he needs to talk to someone to…to sort through all this, I want you to make that happen." Reese stated.

Peter nodded. "I already made him an appointment with our in-house counselor, and I have him scheduled for a physical."

"Good." Reese replied. "He's a good kid, Peter. Take care of him."

THE END


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